Lamappbossrig is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, strong giraffe.

Lamappbossrig created a quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamappbossrig, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lamappbossrig, she will turn you into a goat.

Lamappbossrig's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Lamappbossrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never wear yellow trousers.

4. Always wash your chest before prayer.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.