Vonzedtail is a god.

It takes the form of a large, competent ferret.

Vonzedtail created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonzedtail, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonzedtail, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vonzedtail's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Vonzedtail's Holy Commandments

1. Vonzedtail loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never think about optics near eagles while wearing turquoise shirts and balancing six titanium spheres on your legs.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near seals while wearing magenta corsets and balancing nine lead spheres on your feet.