Lopjamlab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful centipede.

Lopjamlab created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopjamlab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lopjamlab, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Lopjamlab's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Lopjamlab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

2. Do not hurt dolphins.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near horses while wearing green jumpers and balancing nine platinum spheres on your legs.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never wear pink boots.