Lanratkad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, confident octopus.

Lanratkad created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanratkad, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lanratkad, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lanratkad's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Lanratkad's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine horses approach from the east.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Lanratkad loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.