Podrillcab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, witty tortoise.

Podrillcab created a photon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Podrillcab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Podrillcab, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Podrillcab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Podrillcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.