Lapvilhen is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, self-confident hydra.

Lapvilhen created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapvilhen, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lapvilhen, she will turn you into a mole.

Lapvilhen's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Lapvilhen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Put Lapvilhen first in all things.

5. Always help bats.