Podnelcat is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, tiresome squirrel.

Podnelcat created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Podnelcat, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Podnelcat, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Podnelcat's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Podnelcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt tortoises.

2. Do not hurt mites.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. You must never eat peanuts.

5. Podnelcat must be the most important thing in your life.