Linfutciss Bapmuttif is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, wise mink.

Linfutciss Bapmuttif created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Linfutciss Bapmuttif, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Linfutciss Bapmuttif, it will strike you with lightening.

Linfutciss Bapmuttif's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Linfutciss Bapmuttif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about stars.

2. Do not kill turtles.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed beans to badgers while wearing coats.

5. Do not stand on grass.