Nigfunvon is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, all-powerful spider.

Nigfunvon created an up quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Nigfunvon, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nigfunvon, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nigfunvon's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Nigfunvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with joy.

2. Never remain prostrate at midday.

3. Retreat if eight whales approach from the west.

4. Do not resist balance.

5. Erect six silicon sculptures of Nigfunvon on top of important buildings.