Minnan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unselfish narwhal.

Minnan created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Minnan, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Minnan, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Minnan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Minnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap at crossroads.

2. Do not chant in public.

3. Never allow badgers to witness sacred rites.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Put Minnan first in all things.