Laklunbag is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, moody manatee.

Laklunbag created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laklunbag, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Laklunbag, it will turn you into a tree.

Laklunbag's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Laklunbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat apples on holy days.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not wear fawn clothing.

4. Always cleanse oil with water.

5. Never play with disobedient children.