Tonmisjon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, temperamental bat.

Tonmisjon created everything that exists eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonmisjon, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tonmisjon, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Tonmisjon's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tonmisjon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not kill aardvarks.