Dagbonham is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, bad-tempered seal.

Dagbonham created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dagbonham, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Dagbonham, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dagbonham's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Dagbonham's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never write about ultrasonics.

4. Always look after injured manatees.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.