Canortlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, self-assured snail.

Canortlarp created gold nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Canortlarp, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Canortlarp, he will turn you into a goat.

Canortlarp's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Canortlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Canortlarp on top of all buildings.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not kill sharks.