Ontmumjab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unthoughtful human.

Ontmumjab created a bottom quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontmumjab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ontmumjab, it will send you a sign.

Ontmumjab's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Ontmumjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Never wear shorts.

5. Never wear pink dresses.