Besscetzen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, compassionate lizard.

Besscetzen created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Besscetzen, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Besscetzen, it will laugh at you.

Besscetzen's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Besscetzen's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not speak about gooseberries.

5. Learn three new languages a year.