Xenvagcem is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, narcissistic salamander.

Xenvagcem created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Xenvagcem, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Xenvagcem, it will refuse to believe in you.

Xenvagcem's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Xenvagcem's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Do not fashion tools from zinc.

3. Never remain prostrate at midnight.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Learn five new languages a year.