Tapnaknad is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, flying wombat.

Tapnaknad created the Sol system six million years ago.

If you believe in Tapnaknad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tapnaknad, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tapnaknad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tapnaknad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to otters while wearing turquoise trousers.

2. Erect four gold sculptures of Tapnaknad on top of important buildings.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never hurt rats.