Dotcetjip is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, competent guinea pig.

Dotcetjip created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotcetjip, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dotcetjip, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Dotcetjip's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Dotcetjip's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Always obey Dotcetjip's priests.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.