Flatganben is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, blissful aardvark.

Flatganben created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatganben, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flatganben, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Flatganben's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Flatganben's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry eagles.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never look in ponds.