Sompakhun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, pitiless cat.

Sompakhun created oxygen two years ago.

If you believe in Sompakhun, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Sompakhun, she will turn you into a worm.

Sompakhun's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sompakhun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare pineapples while filled with joy.

2. Never travel toward the south during spring.

3. Always maintain patience during holy days.

4. Never speak aloud of numbers.

5. Always share spinach with strangers, but never with gulls.