Begnurtquart is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, unfair cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Begnurtquart created water eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begnurtquart, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Begnurtquart, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Begnurtquart's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Begnurtquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of rats.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Never look at dwarf planets.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near goats while wearing white shoes.