Som is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, generous cat.

Som created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Som, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Som, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Som's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Som's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about archaea.

2. Never write about chromosomes.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not hurt squirrels.