Jopflambambonk is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, pitiless wren.

Jopflambambonk created the Andromeda Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopflambambonk, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jopflambambonk, she will turn you into a snail.

Jopflambambonk's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Jopflambambonk's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry hamsters.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.