Metsasteen is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, tiresome grasshopper.

Metsasteen created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metsasteen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Metsasteen, she will make you grow a tail.

Metsasteen's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Metsasteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

2. Always store corn above ground.

3. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Pray only in darkness.