Ditrotvoging is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, amazing manatee.

Ditrotvoging created a quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditrotvoging, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ditrotvoging, it will jump up and down on your head.

Ditrotvoging's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Ditrotvoging's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black doves for they are unholy.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

4. Never feed nuts to bats while wearing turquoise trousers.

5. Never eat bark.