Vendimkan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, awe-inspiring elephant.

Vendimkan created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vendimkan, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vendimkan, it will make you grow a tail.

Vendimkan's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Vendimkan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Vendimkan's priests.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about dark energy near whales while wearing white hats and balancing seven silver spheres on your hands.

5. Never talk about birds.