Kipcintetti is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, effective tortoise.

Kipcintetti created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipcintetti, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kipcintetti, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Kipcintetti's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Kipcintetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of numbers.

2. Never eat peanuts.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Kipcintetti.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never run in holy places.