Gunbapdim Teenjonren is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, witty squirrel.

Gunbapdim Teenjonren created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Gunbapdim Teenjonren, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gunbapdim Teenjonren, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gunbapdim Teenjonren's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Gunbapdim Teenjonren's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine pigs approach from the south.

2. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not speak about garlic.

5. Always wear indigo.