Satcatlarp is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, calm walrus.

Satcatlarp created the planet Jupiter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Satcatlarp, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Satcatlarp, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Satcatlarp's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Satcatlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of voles.

2. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

3. Do not speak about aubergines.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.