Fetzimgatfit Flabsidpit is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, all-knowing gerbil.

Fetzimgatfit Flabsidpit created everything that exists seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fetzimgatfit Flabsidpit, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fetzimgatfit Flabsidpit, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fetzimgatfit Flabsidpit's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Fetzimgatfit Flabsidpit's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near dogs while wearing gray coats and balancing three lead spheres on your hands.

3. Always act with purity.

4. Hide from brown eagles for they are unholy.

5. Never write about cell theory.