Yakdutjap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, uncaring newt.

Yakdutjap created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakdutjap, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yakdutjap, she will remove you from existence.

Yakdutjap's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Yakdutjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of moths.

2. Never gather six sharks near bridges.

3. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Do not keep nine cats in a large pit.