Viglarpwadpang is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous unicorn.

Viglarpwadpang created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Viglarpwadpang, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Viglarpwadpang, he will jump up and down on your head.

Viglarpwadpang's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Viglarpwadpang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

2. Do not dye your hair green.

3. Hide from white dolphins for they are unholy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.