Larpbafhig Gadnansaf Loopmanlakcab is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, selfish pig.

Larpbafhig Gadnansaf Loopmanlakcab created light seven million years ago.

If you believe in Larpbafhig Gadnansaf Loopmanlakcab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larpbafhig Gadnansaf Loopmanlakcab, he will turn you into a snail.

Larpbafhig Gadnansaf Loopmanlakcab's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Larpbafhig Gadnansaf Loopmanlakcab's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta rings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never eat aubergines.

5. Do not drink alcohol.