Lagcappark is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, emotional badger.

Lagcappark created the Cigar Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagcappark, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagcappark, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lagcappark's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Lagcappark's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lagcappark.

2. Do not keep nine ducks in a large pit.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Do not cook food in pots.