Gonfarcet is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, capable wombat.

Gonfarcet created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonfarcet, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gonfarcet, it will turn you into a slug.

Gonfarcet's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gonfarcet's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about planets.

3. Do not place apples upon stone.

4. Do not prepare melons while wearing jumpers.

5. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Gonfarcet on top of all buildings.