Lamtargsog is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, humorless monkey.

Lamtargsog created an atom two million years ago.

If you believe in Lamtargsog, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lamtargsog, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lamtargsog's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Lamtargsog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about geese.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.