Cudmaddid Podshavgan is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, fast meerkat.

Cudmaddid Podshavgan created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cudmaddid Podshavgan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cudmaddid Podshavgan, she will come to you in dreams.

Cudmaddid Podshavgan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Cudmaddid Podshavgan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown otters, for they are unholy.

2. Hide from yellow great tits for they are unholy.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never feed nuts to gulls while wearing fawn corsets.