Stanbelltom is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish unicorn.

Stanbelltom created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Stanbelltom, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Stanbelltom, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Stanbelltom's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Stanbelltom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gulls.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Stanbelltom on top of all buildings.

5. Never eat bark.