Bassmin is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, selfish jackal.

Bassmin created an up quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassmin, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bassmin, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bassmin's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bassmin's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Do not keep seven mice in a large pit.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near turtles while wearing turquoise trousers and balancing nine titanium spheres on your head.

5. Always obey Bassmin's priests.