Cumgigmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, fast monkey.

Cumgigmeg created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumgigmeg, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cumgigmeg, he will turn you into a dog.

Cumgigmeg's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Cumgigmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Cumgigmeg in the centre of the settlement.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Never look in ponds.