Hatsagfab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, amazing bat.

Hatsagfab created a quark two years ago.

If you believe in Hatsagfab, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hatsagfab, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hatsagfab's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hatsagfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never paint your head turquoise.

5. Fast once a month.