Fidquagquill is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient narwhal.

Fidquagquill created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fidquagquill, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fidquagquill, he will destroy your home solar system.

Fidquagquill's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Fidquagquill's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. You must love Fidquagquill.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.