Jamgonxem is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, calm penguin.

Jamgonxem created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamgonxem, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jamgonxem, it will turn you into a plant.

Jamgonxem's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Jamgonxem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not hurt frogs.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Never eat bark.