Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish centipede.

Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom, it will turn you into a rock.

Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never talk about bacteria.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

4. Worship no other gods but Affunbatjarnmadpop Cetmablam Wigfom.

5. Do not keep nine dogs in a large pit.