Wapgessag is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, loving jaguar.

Wapgessag created a photon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapgessag, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Wapgessag, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Wapgessag's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Wapgessag's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Heed all portents.

4. Never leap in the presence of elders.

5. Do not keep six tapirs in a large pit.