Somgonfag Stragingpas is a god.

She takes the form of a small, loving faun.

Somgonfag Stragingpas created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Somgonfag Stragingpas, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Somgonfag Stragingpas, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Somgonfag Stragingpas' most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Somgonfag Stragingpas' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never feed coconuts to sharks while wearing violet jumpers.