Fumvonhen Nurlbadtag is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, stupid tapir.

Fumvonhen Nurlbadtag created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Fumvonhen Nurlbadtag, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fumvonhen Nurlbadtag, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Fumvonhen Nurlbadtag's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Fumvonhen Nurlbadtag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill squirrels.

2. Do not keep eight nematodes in a large pit.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not gather at bridges at dawn.

5. Do not step barefoot upon purple earth.