Dutgumbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, narcissistic meerkat.

Dutgumbaf created a charm quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutgumbaf, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Dutgumbaf, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dutgumbaf's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Dutgumbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Dutgumbaf must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never write about dark energy.