Parkortfed is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, benevolent armadillo.

Parkortfed created dark energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parkortfed, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Parkortfed, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Parkortfed's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Parkortfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo corsets.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

3. Never think ill of sick ducks.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never go into orange rooms.