Parkbarntig is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unselfish pigeon.

Parkbarntig created time and space five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parkbarntig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Parkbarntig, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Parkbarntig's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Parkbarntig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nucleic acids.

2. Always help sick pigs.

3. Do not wear brown clothing.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near voles while wearing magenta ear rings and balancing three tin spheres on your arms.